Bob Ong's Philosophy on Love

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• "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay /tao na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.."

• "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

• "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

• "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

• "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

• "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

• "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

• "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

• "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

• "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..."

• "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

• "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

• "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

• "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

• "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

• "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.."

• "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan."

• "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

• "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

goodbye, fisheye...

I am selling my SIGMA 8mm f/3.5 EX DG FISHEYE lens... for reasons that I am broke and needing extra cash so badly! I have been thinking about it over and over for the past 2 months and I have fixed my decision of letting it go. I know I can get one again hopefully soon when I find a new job. Buying new ones will be easy when you have the money... right? Right on. Besides, I haven't been shooting lately and my Fisheye lens are rarely used. I use it when I feel like it. Then it goes back on my shelf and wait again for another "inspiring" take, when the mood gets me. My lens is already 1 year-old. I bought it for 2,500 Aed last January 3, 2008 at Grand Stores back in Al Ain and I was pretty much full of zest back then... I will misss shooting with it... *sigh*

the aftermath of diet pills and excessive obsession of being thin

This is exactly how I have been becoming lately. I feel like all my energy, creativity and ideas have been sucked out of me. Leaving me all helpless. All blank. I have nothing left of me.

Wala na lahat.

Everyday I go online, browsing and browsing some more just to make my mind work. I feel so useless. Its all blank. Blank. Blank. I miss the days when I am all hyped up to shoot. Its been almost a year that I haven't captured a good picture (with exception of Yuan's moments). Sometimes I browse through some of my friends' pages and other people's pages too, I stare at their photos, green with envy. How I wish I still have some of my own. Much as I want to, I lack the inspiration. Which made me think...

am I losing my touch?

I think I am slowly becoming idle. Seeing myself decomposing piece by piece. So empty. I need inspiration. I need my old self again. And then I stop and think again...maybe all that I need is a shag. *Hahahaahahaha!*...more roaring laughter! Maybe I need to get laid. Okay, enough. I have all my reasons to be cynical about love, life, money and everything! And all I could do is roll my eyes. Now, I am being silly again. I have to shake these thoughts out of my head.


"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ..Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
-The Fight Club


I think I should begin reading Chuck Palahniuk.

*Cheers*

over the course of Grey's Anatomy Season 3 marathon...

Today Cory Aquino is to be buried in Manila Memorial Park, tonight actually! Condolences and you will be missed, Cory! May you have the peace you deserve, He has taken all your pain away. May you rest in peace...and so to Peter's cousin - his Manong Bongbong and Nang DC June, may you both rest in peace as well..

Going back, today's rain-and-shine drama just made me all lazy. It's me and Yuan's 3rd day camping out in the living room. And the whole afternoon I was glued to my laptop watching with full concentration Grey's Anatomy Season 3. I am at the 19th episode I guess, before I come to an end by episode 25. While I was on a break and Grey's Anatomy was on a pause, me and my little fella got back to practicing his daily how-to's and today was the "close-open" day. He's done a great job... And I was lucky enough to capture it this afternoon...you can see the concentration in his face, he is all focused!

You can't even interrupt him. Oh my, my little man is learning fast. And after that, he made his usual ritual after a job well done. He clapped to himself.

...and then this little boy gives out his well-achieved all out smile because he knows he's done some good work today! Hoooooray!

I am sooo proud of my little fella! =) I know he has more of these sloppy firsts to come...And I am enjoying every minute of it!

our awesome wednesday

[Posted: July 29, 2009, 10:46 PM]

Today our Baby Pouch and Jar of Hope orders from Indigo Baby arrived! And I immediately let my little man snuggle right in his new "ATI (AETA) sling" that I call it. And he seems to like it cos it makes it easier for me to carry him around without having my arms complaining about Yuan's weight. He may not be all that "chubby wubby" but he's definitely heavy! =)

I think he finds it comfy and I find it convenient for my part as well. We enjoyed the rest of our afternoon, before it rained again, having coffee with his Mommy Ninang Sasa and Ninang Girlfriend Ellen. He was sooo noisy too. With all that loud coos and babbles. My little boy is getting big. And getting naughtier too! =)

the story so far...

[Posted: March 28, 2009, 4:59 AM]

And there comes a point when things can't go further...
A point where your patience will swallow you whole...
That enduring is getting the best of you...
And that holding on for so long isn't enough anymore...
We give in to new things that have brought a new meaning to our lives...
New things that have filled up the voids
and the longings you were used to for the past 7 years...

And now we came this far to let it all go... cos we gave in. I guess there are no more reasons left why i should be holding on. More reasons that I should be letting go and moving on. Suddenly its over. Looking back, I did my best. I wish it was just simple to let this all go. And it all comes down to a "Once a upon a time..."

Darn! Look!

[Posted: November 2, 2007, 6:17 PM]



I never thought that fishes have lips...
and they look kissable too!

much like suffocating.

[Posted: October 14, 2007, 7:37 AM]

I feel weird today. Am I becoming apathetic? I don't get affected by what has been happening around me. The numbness I feel seems to be getting better everyday for reasons I don't know. Is it because I have been battling my emotions far too long not to surface? Maybe.

I don't know.

I have always been the 'emotional type'; my friends would always tag me as "the drama queen". I have longed to be insensitive, cold and passive. I have always wanted myself not to be affected by little things that can hurt me. I think I am becoming what I have always wanted to become.

Passive. Cold. Unaffected.

I don't want to feel all the emotions that surrounds me. I want to be numb. I want to forget that I can feel the hurt. I want to forget that I still can feel. I don't want to be weak anymore. I want to go on being apathetic. I want to be alone. I've had one too many emotional overdose in my lifetime already and I don't want to be in that state ever again. It's like I want to pretend. Pretend to be happy or sad. Fake it.

Enough is enough. I could go on living like I am already dead, like I am a ghost and you can't see me. I want to be like that. Forever.

1....2....3....4....dizzzy up the girl!

[Posted: October 12, 2007, 4:32 PM]

Ramadan is finally over! Eid Mubarak, like they all say.

Its like the Christmas and New Year to them, so they were out shopping. All of my muslim co-workers were expecting it either today or tomorrow, but surprise! The moon peeped out tooo soon... last night. There was not a single taxi. We had no choice but to walk from our work place to Sherwen's crib, since it's the venue for our usual Thursday Booze Night.

I never saw so many cars flooding Al Ain like I did last night. It made me miss the traffic jams back home. =( The usual Thursday session pushed through, it has been happening weekly now. I guess its the only outlet I have after all its kinda "lifeless" up here.
We all are looking for something to keep us less "homesick".

I passed out so bad last night. I haven't eaten all day. I never got that wasted like I did last night. The bad part is I couldn't remember a single thing. Not a single thing. Darn it. All I remembered was someone was carrying me into the room and when Ryan woke me up this morning.

I've been calling all of them this morning when I woke up and they all told me what I was doing. I was so knocked up that I did not remember all of what I did. Gawd.


...and now, the perfect hangover! Patay ako bukas.

that awful memory of yours.

[Posted: September 18, 2007, 6:39 PM]

Tuesday marks the spot of my 5^th day of avoiding his presence. It has been quite long for me after that Friday incident where I think I woke up from that big bitch slap of reality caving in when I was at the peak of my tipsy state. I wasn't drunk at all, finishing 4 bottles of Tequilla is worth it, I can still remember the things that were said and how things were happening in front of my eyes. We sat side by side like there was solely nothing, we weren't even talking the way we used to talk, like everything is all gone. He doesn't interest me anymore. Period. He left without even saying anything, he just played with my hair like I was a little kid. Now that was stupid.

So going back... nilunod ko ang sarili ko sa mga kanta ni Annie Lennox, sabay Google ng mga lyrics nito. Naitapos kong download ang album niya na BARE at biglang napasabi ko sa sarili ko na... eto, eto ang para sa kanya. Lahat ng pwede kong sabihin sa kanya ay nasa lyrics ng mga piling kanta ko sa album ni Annie Lennox. Tugma lahat sa nararamdaman ko, dagdagan mo pa ng Flicker ng Up Dharma Down at Away, Away ng A Rocket to the Moon... SHOOT! Tamang timpla, sakto ang lasa.

I wore my usual giddy-and-happy face... pero bakit ganun... people can still see the sadness in your eyes no matter how much you have convinced them that I am okay. Kita pa rin daw ang lungkot, halatang nagtitimpi, halatang naiisip ko pa rin siya... nagtitiis, nagpipigil, umiiwas. Kailangan na kasi eh, kailangan ko nang isalba ang sarili ko bago pa ako malunod ng tuloyan. Tama na siguro ang iyakan. Sa sobrang sakit na naibinigay mo sakin, hindi ko na alam ko nasasaktan pa ba ako sa mga ginagawa mo... manhid na. Natiis ko lahat ng yun sa loob ng tatlong buwan at sinong magaakalang kinaya ko pala...

Sa mga nagdaang araw mula nong madaling araw ng Biyernes, inaamin kong nahihirapan na nga ako. Balik na naman ako sa pagpipigil sa mga unting bagay kagaya ng masulyapan ka o marinig ang boses mo. Kinakaya ko. Sobrang kinakaya ko na hindi maging marupok, na hindi bumigay sa mga guilty pleasures ko. Pero sadyang mahirap.

Ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon ay parang isang malaking addiction na dapat sadya kong kinukuha sa katawan ko. Mahirap siyang kunin sa system mo. DETOXIFYING and CLEANSING = FORGETTING. Masakit. Mahirap... pero kailangan. It will take time cos it doesn't happen overnight like those instant products being advertised on tv. Changes don't work that way. You have to want it and it pushes you to get better. I guess it is a WANT, a NEED and a SHOULD. Dapat lahat mangaling sa'yo. Kung tutuosin nga its too late but still I will pursue this path.

Naaalala ko na naman siya, bumabalik lang bigla... Poof! Ayan na naman siya. It always leaves me with a pang of pain but now I couldn't see myself cry nor do I see myself getting all sentimental again. Masyadong manhid na siguro ako. Bago lahat ng ito sa akin. I never thought I could be this cold and passive, I can live being like this. Minsan nga sabi ko baka sa kanya lang at hindi naman sa ibang tao. Ginugusto kong maging ganito dahil din sa kanya, yun lang siguro ang paraan na unti-unti ko siyang malimutan... Eto na siguro ang paraan na pwede ko na siyang makalimutan ng tuloyan.

I am treading the right path. I should be and am moving on. And I won't look back anymore. I don't want to look back with a dozen of questions popping out again... I admit, there are still alot of things that he got me confused. It got me tangled into knots. He left me figuring out and hanging onto the things he said.

The case is closed. I knew that the answers were in front of me, I just needed to hear it from him cos I find it much appeasing and I prefer it that way I guess. But... it all ends like this. Like Ate Joy said, he may or may not give you the closure but either way you should find pick yourself up and find the door.

And I won't look back. I won't look back.

and there came a rocket to the moon.

[Posted last September 1, 2007, 4:29 PM]

This day has given me this opportunity to prove to myself that I can let it go. I have endured it. I have been pushing him further in the back of my head, while all these emotions I have for him are purposely locked up in another part of my brain where forgetting can be possible.

Yes, I’d like to forget. Its been going on forever. I have been saying that everyday to myself whenever I wake up in the morning… memorizing the words like a chant. Although it is inevitable that he pops into my head out of blue. I can still manage. Taking control of I should be thinking. But just like I always can’t figure out with his complicated head, he makes a move when sees that I am letting it all go… and poof! I’m once again under his dizzy spell.

Only last week, we had a serious talk. We were once again in our “punch drunk love” state.

Him: “Help me figure this out… Baket ganun, naiisip kita and hinahanap kita. Alam mo yun! Unang una, alam mo na ayaw na ayaw ko ng makulet, pero baket ganun namimiss ko kakulitan mo. Oo nga, isang workplace lang tayo, pero baket na mimiss kita… yung company mo, lahat…”

Her: “Are you falling in love with me?”

And then there was silence. Again I was left unanswered. I am always left unanswered. So this is the way it feels, huh. To be left there in a position where you don’t know where you really are…

I don’t want to ask myself anymore. The never-ending parade of big WHY’s will just flood my head and I will drown myself again in insomnia. Still with no answer. It’s like floating into the infinity of space and the universe. A puzzle left unsolved; he gave me missing pieces and I don’t know where to find it. Hidden in his labyrinth-like brain, I don’t know where to start looking.

We all know when to stop. May hanganan ang lahat, ika nga sa blog ni Lee. I have been telling myself, I have been planning... pero the more you plan, mas nauudlot. That's why I have been refraining myself lately of "looking forward and making plans" and I have been getting myself use to living in the present... kung anung mangyari ngayon, yun na yun. Mahirap na ang mag expect ulit...

Things unplanned are far much better, since all of this were so uplanned from the beginning. I'm just waiting in line for my answer... he may or may not give it at all. But the time for my so called closure will happen soon. I just don't know when...

Natutunan ko nang maging manhid... maging passive. Maybe because I have been talking to him casually and its working. Yun siguro ang remedy ko. Being casual na parang wala lang... baka sa pagiging ganyan ko sa kanya, sakali, dun ko na na siya unti-unting makalimutan...

Sana.

Over tangled post-its and tissue papers.

[Posted: August 13, 2007, 10:35 AM]

How could one say that enough is enough?

I should be cleaning the mess I have made when we started this. I know I said that I will refrain from "making-plans-and-looking- forward", but this was an exception... my plan to put a period to all of this.

I wasn't expecting things to get diverted again, as usual. Why do we always end up like this? Things we weren't expecting happens and then everything disappears again. Just like I always say to you... you just do or say something, you drag me out of that path where I am supposed to be moving on. Why do you do that? And whenever you do, I get all hopeful at the back of my head...

You said you have so many things to say. I ask you a question and all you could do was take my hand, cushion it under your face and kiss it. You caught me dumbstruck when you did that. Is that what you do to make me shut up? I was gasping for words. I was trying to get myself together again at that moment with you. This shouldn't be happening. Yet again, I am stuck, dizzy under your spell.

I hate you.

I hate you because I can't seem to find anything in you that I would hate...