much like suffocating.

[Posted: October 14, 2007, 7:37 AM]

I feel weird today. Am I becoming apathetic? I don't get affected by what has been happening around me. The numbness I feel seems to be getting better everyday for reasons I don't know. Is it because I have been battling my emotions far too long not to surface? Maybe.

I don't know.

I have always been the 'emotional type'; my friends would always tag me as "the drama queen". I have longed to be insensitive, cold and passive. I have always wanted myself not to be affected by little things that can hurt me. I think I am becoming what I have always wanted to become.

Passive. Cold. Unaffected.

I don't want to feel all the emotions that surrounds me. I want to be numb. I want to forget that I can feel the hurt. I want to forget that I still can feel. I don't want to be weak anymore. I want to go on being apathetic. I want to be alone. I've had one too many emotional overdose in my lifetime already and I don't want to be in that state ever again. It's like I want to pretend. Pretend to be happy or sad. Fake it.

Enough is enough. I could go on living like I am already dead, like I am a ghost and you can't see me. I want to be like that. Forever.